06/27/22
#136 Binge Eating
BINGE EATING
This is a subject close to my heart.
Historically I have had a terrible relationship with food (and myself).
I was bulimic in my 20's and 30's but for many years after that, I was a compulsive binge eater.
Binge eating is not about being greedy it is a serious eating disorder. The line between disordered eating and an eating disorder is a fine one.
We all overeat sometimes, seconds and thirds at a family celebration or dessert when we are full. But what about when you find yourself with your head in the fridge or the pantry and you can't stop?
That was me. The food had all the power. I felt out of control, a failure, fat, ugly and useless and unable to stop using food as my drug of choice. Mostly it was secret eating when no one else was home or in the car or boxes of protein bars when I was alone at work. It was desperate and lonely and I felt so much shame.
We've all done it "I'll just have one" we head to the pantry have a biscuit (or whatever) and keep going back until the packet is gone. I can remember literally eating out the whole pantry. But funnily enough, I would always stop if someone walked into the room it was my shameful secret.
Despite being full. Uncomfortably full. I COULDN'T STOP EATING.
So if we are doing it when we are full, it has nothing to do with hunger. Then why are we doing it?
Binge eating is often triggered by dieting. We restrict our calories get into too much of a deficit lose control and lose the plot. This turns into a cycle of undereating, overeating, all or nothing, 'good' food, 'bad' food. This is psychologically so damaging because we are always trying to be perfect with our eating and one little slip up drives us back into a state of dispair, of being weak, no good and somehow unworthy. "I've ruined it now so I might as well..."
Other times we are trying to fill an emotional hole, that can never be filled with food and that is why we cannot stop. Food gives us a feel-good dopamine hit in the pleasure centre of our brain. When we use food to buffer our emotions we may as well be using alcohol, nicotine or heroin. The habit of using food in this way becomes an addiction.
The steps that I took to release myself from binge eating disorder and that I use in my programs:
- I started to plan my food ahead of time instead of writing a retrospective diary. I actually planned foods that I loved, including red wine and chocolate instead of trying to be perfect.
- I taught myself to lean into the cravings and urges to eat, to feel them completely (yes it was uncomfortable) and choose to not eat.
- I learnt to accept myself as I am with all of my flaws and fall in love with that version of myself, so there was no longer anything that needed solving with food. The process of taking the emotion out of food takes time.
Be patient with yourself. I still love food. I still eat more than I need sometimes. But I never use food to try and make myself feel better and I have stopped hating myself and talking to myself like shit. I wish that I had reached out earlier. Or had realised that I didn't need a wonder magic diet that would solve everything I just needed to learn to plan my food ahead, like fuelling the car and learn to manage my mind around food cravings and urges. If this resonates with you please reach out. I am here to support you.
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